I'm not feeling well, so we're going to do a little rapid fire YouTube searching. Rapid fire works like this... I type in rando mcgee search terms and we check out the first thing that comes up. Yes? Yes!
1. Fried Oreos
My boys Seth and Austin teach us, not how to make fried oreos, but how to make a fried hostess cupcake AND a fried ice cream sandwich with the wrapper still on it. I like the cut of their jib. Come for the cooking lesson, stay for the weird and ridiculous voice effects. SethandAustinForever!
2. Burnables
We search in tribute to one my faves, the man, the myth, the Burnahblays. We get Pyro Chronicles 1, this weird guy (NOT Burnables) lighting things on fire and laughing like a maniac. We never get to see the guy's face, but it's fair to assume that he looks like (ie: IS) the kid who played Andrew on Family Ties, Brian Bonsall
3. polka dot boxers
Wow, a bunch of dumbass kids throw shredded paper at each other while other dumbass kids look on and cheer. Some fat teacher type walks through with a bullhorn at some point. Is this a sport I am unaware of? Shredded paper fighting? This doesn't appear to be similar to breakdance fighting. It doesn't appear to have any rules, or any point at all. Calvinball makes more sense than this nonsense. Dunderball would be more fun. And polka dot boxers has nothing to do with this crapola.
4. gigawatt
Using rapid fire youtube search as an excuse to imbed some Back to the Future (aka THE best movie of all time), I never expected to find this. This is the best YouTube discovery I have ever made... it actually edges out the Puppy Blood discovery. Giga Giga Watt Watt = song I will dance to on my wedding day. Thanks, DominicFear. Check it out.
5. sorry sack
I like saying, "stuff your sorries in a sack," a term coined by susan and later picked up by george constanza. Thus the search. I never expected to find such musical enjoyment from this simple search. You never know when you're going to discover your next great artist kids! I think I might sign him to my label. What do you guys think? Is he a good candidate for Totes Records? Yeah I know, we usually only sign sousaphone players, but this guy has potential! Real, hardcore, non-sousaphone-but-thats-ok potential? I'm going to plead his case to the board. I bid you adieu.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Reprieve
It wouldn't be a stretch to say that I'm the worst blogger of all time, and if I had any readers, I would feel bad, but I don't, so I don't.
Oprah Winfrey is going to Iowa, South Carolina and New Hampshire to give Obama a hand. Um... gross. If I ran into Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah Winfrey on the street at the same time, I would have a tough time figuring out which one to light on fire first (I mean, assuming I can only light one person on fire at a time, of course). I think I'd have to go Oprah, mostly because I think her arrogance alone is highly flammable, so the fire she would create would probably spread to O'Donnell anyway. Two birds, one stone? Check. So, people will really listen to Oprah Winfrey regarding voting for our next president? Really? The same chick that advises me to buy a refridgerator with an LCD monitor in it, and cupcakes that cost fifteen dollars each? The woman who is on the cover of her own magazine each and every month and doesn't seem realize she is the definition of conceit and bitchy nonsense? Yeah? This is my political advisor? AWESOME! I've never agreed that she should be allowed to recommend books to people, let alone presidents. It's further awesome that people might actually care what she has to say. What's next, Phil Donahue for Huckabee? Maury Povich for Kucinich? Maybe Tyra Banks should get her ass on the road for Rudy Giuliani. "I'm here to talk to you about a man. His boobs are real, girl, I've felt them. Ask no more questions about it. Do you see how I can express emotion with my eyes? See, this is happy. This is sad. Notice the difference there? In conclusion, Giuliani is one step closer to becoming America's Next Top President. ps my forehead is ridic."
I think it would be a good idea to move past talk show hosts and just have cartoon characters stump for presidential candidates. Specifically, the muppet babies.
Oprah Winfrey is going to Iowa, South Carolina and New Hampshire to give Obama a hand. Um... gross. If I ran into Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah Winfrey on the street at the same time, I would have a tough time figuring out which one to light on fire first (I mean, assuming I can only light one person on fire at a time, of course). I think I'd have to go Oprah, mostly because I think her arrogance alone is highly flammable, so the fire she would create would probably spread to O'Donnell anyway. Two birds, one stone? Check. So, people will really listen to Oprah Winfrey regarding voting for our next president? Really? The same chick that advises me to buy a refridgerator with an LCD monitor in it, and cupcakes that cost fifteen dollars each? The woman who is on the cover of her own magazine each and every month and doesn't seem realize she is the definition of conceit and bitchy nonsense? Yeah? This is my political advisor? AWESOME! I've never agreed that she should be allowed to recommend books to people, let alone presidents. It's further awesome that people might actually care what she has to say. What's next, Phil Donahue for Huckabee? Maury Povich for Kucinich? Maybe Tyra Banks should get her ass on the road for Rudy Giuliani. "I'm here to talk to you about a man. His boobs are real, girl, I've felt them. Ask no more questions about it. Do you see how I can express emotion with my eyes? See, this is happy. This is sad. Notice the difference there? In conclusion, Giuliani is one step closer to becoming America's Next Top President. ps my forehead is ridic."
I think it would be a good idea to move past talk show hosts and just have cartoon characters stump for presidential candidates. Specifically, the muppet babies.
Monday, November 19, 2007
it's just a life story, so there's no climax.
So, I don't really think of myself as appropriate. I don't really shy away from saying what I want to say, though I do refrain from the F word at work and at church. But these days there are some things I just won't say, and it's occured to me that I may be becoming appropriate in my old age. I'm getting to the point, the place where I explain what I'm talking about and why I think I may be becoming appropriate. I'm getting there, I'm getting there.
Last weekend I had lunch with my grandparents. We were talking about my grandfather's brother and blahblahblah, it occurs to me that my grandfather's niece - my mom's cousin and my godmother - never got married. And she's like, a cat chick. Stereotypical cat lady, loves her cats more than she could love any man. I don't see her a lot at all, this is why this fact suddenly occurs to me. But what I really want to know is -- DO YOU THINK SHE IS A LESBIAN??? She probably is, right? And I think if it were just my grandmother sitting there, I probably would have asked. But I actually had an inner dialogue for about 10 seconds and decided not to say it (OMG I am so appropriate). So I just said, "why do you think she never got married?" And my grandfather said, "these days people don't always want to get married." Really? Because I think I am a fairly modern woman, and I would prefer to get married over hanging out with cats all day every day for all eternity. But that's just me, I am bizarre. And then my grandmother adds that she also NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. Wait, so she is a 40 something year old virgin??? WHAT? And yet they say this nonchalantly like it's normal to never have a boyfriend and just live with cats and never have sex. I feel like I am taking crazy pills at this point, because this is BIZARRE and I need to ask if they think she has ever had sex. But I don't, because I am appropriate and appropriate people don't ask their grandparents if they think their 40-something year old niece has never gotten it on. But I have to make sense of this, so I do by taking the firm stance (in my mind at least) that she is a lesbian.
Now I wonder if I should get in touch with her and try to get her to come out of the closet and live her life like the full fledged lesbian I know she is. I comfort myself by thinking that she has had wild lesbian affairs without anyone knowing. This would at least make her seem a bit more normal. And she plays second life where she is also a lesbian, but in her second life game she is an out lesbian. OUT AND PROUD. I'm proud of her second life that I've made up in my mind. A small part of me wonders that if I kidnapped her cats, maybe she would be brought closer to reality a bit. Then a bigger part of me gets to work plotting the kidnapping. Take the cats, replace the cats with blow up women. Later, steal the blow up women and replace them with real women. Later, let the women go home.
In conclusion, since I don't care about appropriateness here.... is my godmother a lesbian? thanks.
Last weekend I had lunch with my grandparents. We were talking about my grandfather's brother and blahblahblah, it occurs to me that my grandfather's niece - my mom's cousin and my godmother - never got married. And she's like, a cat chick. Stereotypical cat lady, loves her cats more than she could love any man. I don't see her a lot at all, this is why this fact suddenly occurs to me. But what I really want to know is -- DO YOU THINK SHE IS A LESBIAN??? She probably is, right? And I think if it were just my grandmother sitting there, I probably would have asked. But I actually had an inner dialogue for about 10 seconds and decided not to say it (OMG I am so appropriate). So I just said, "why do you think she never got married?" And my grandfather said, "these days people don't always want to get married." Really? Because I think I am a fairly modern woman, and I would prefer to get married over hanging out with cats all day every day for all eternity. But that's just me, I am bizarre. And then my grandmother adds that she also NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. Wait, so she is a 40 something year old virgin??? WHAT? And yet they say this nonchalantly like it's normal to never have a boyfriend and just live with cats and never have sex. I feel like I am taking crazy pills at this point, because this is BIZARRE and I need to ask if they think she has ever had sex. But I don't, because I am appropriate and appropriate people don't ask their grandparents if they think their 40-something year old niece has never gotten it on. But I have to make sense of this, so I do by taking the firm stance (in my mind at least) that she is a lesbian.
Now I wonder if I should get in touch with her and try to get her to come out of the closet and live her life like the full fledged lesbian I know she is. I comfort myself by thinking that she has had wild lesbian affairs without anyone knowing. This would at least make her seem a bit more normal. And she plays second life where she is also a lesbian, but in her second life game she is an out lesbian. OUT AND PROUD. I'm proud of her second life that I've made up in my mind. A small part of me wonders that if I kidnapped her cats, maybe she would be brought closer to reality a bit. Then a bigger part of me gets to work plotting the kidnapping. Take the cats, replace the cats with blow up women. Later, steal the blow up women and replace them with real women. Later, let the women go home.
In conclusion, since I don't care about appropriateness here.... is my godmother a lesbian? thanks.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
ain't another woman that could take your spot
I feel like I'm letting you down with my lack of posts... all three of you that read my blog. I have no choice but to admit to you that I have been distracted by love. Yes, love. A love not unlike that Columbo felt for his dog, Dog. Yes, I've adopted a small hamster, and we've been spending a lot of time together lately. His name is RunsInAWheelAlot... I like this name because it is similar to the kinds of names that Native Americans have. And RunsInAWheelAlot told me when we first met that he was a Native American in a past life. You HAVE to respect that. Otherwise RunsInaWheelAlot might scalp me in my sleep... ooohh burrnnn, don't tell him I said that. Anyway, RunsInaWheelAlot and I do a lot of fun things together. I carry him around in a Louis Vuitton bag meant for a dog, we play fetch with toothpicks, and I give him baths in an espresso cup. When he talks to me, his voice sounds a lot like Jerry Seinfeld. He doesn't tell jokes like Seinfeld does, though... I mean, Seinfeld looks around him and makes jokes about the things he sees, right? I would say that RunsInaWheelAlot is more like Carrot Top in that he really likes to use props with his jokes. Sometimes it can be a little out of hand, like the other night when he nearly impaled himself with a fork trying to do a joke about sushi. It was a close call, I was worried, but in the end, love prevailed and RunsInaWheelAlot was ok. And I guess that is all that matters in the end. In closing, just wanted to say that I am going away for a week and should be gathering a lot of material in my travels, and expect a lot of making fun of french people when I get back, as well as a brillpost on 19TH CENTURY BRIDGES.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I invented the piano key necktie... I INVENTED IT
I haven't said anything about this because I don't feel like "starting something," or "filing a lawsuit," but I created a character awhile back, and it was stolen from me and used on a television program that is quite popular these days (what is it, like 1998 or something?).
A couple years ago, I had a decent working relationship with this guy David Shore. Some might tell you he wanted to take it to another level with me. Some would be wrong. However, we used to drink like, five or six pint glasses of tequila every day and just share our thoughts. Sometimes we would share our dreams, sometimes we would pretend to be chickens. This is really neither here nor there. But getting that drunk causes me to open up to the Shoredog in ways that I never would sober. I confessed to him that I had an excellent idea for a recurring character in a novel. A doc that would walk with a cane, eat vicodin like tictacs and define the word SNARK. Witty and brilliant but mean as hell. He could diagnose diseases like no one's business. And he was also a superhero on the side, he could fly but only between the hours of 2 and 3 am, and he could light people on fire but that would require a lot of concentration so he wouldn't do it that much (maybe once per novel). His name would be Alan Home.
A good idea, right? The Shoredog thought so, and he encouraged me to pitch my idea all over town (we were in Wichita, Kansas at the time). A few weeks later, we parted ways, promising to write each other a handwritten postcard each week we were apart. We did, for awhile, but then the postcards became few and far between, and the Shorester became a distant memory. Sad, but gave me the opportunity to ask myself, "Wonder what that old bastard David Shore is up to these days." I always did want to say that.
Imagine my surprise when, a couple years later, a new show on Fox features, yes, the character that I created. And who is listed as the creator of the show, but the freakin Shoredog! I kid you not. And the idiot left off all the best parts (superhero, flying, fire), and then changed the guy's name to Greg House. And while Shorey McGee is now rich and powerful (I think he bought a third world nation or something), I am poor and homeless... still clinging to an imaginary Alan Home every night when I curl up in my cardboard box. THANKS A LOT DAVID SHORE.
A couple years ago, I had a decent working relationship with this guy David Shore. Some might tell you he wanted to take it to another level with me. Some would be wrong. However, we used to drink like, five or six pint glasses of tequila every day and just share our thoughts. Sometimes we would share our dreams, sometimes we would pretend to be chickens. This is really neither here nor there. But getting that drunk causes me to open up to the Shoredog in ways that I never would sober. I confessed to him that I had an excellent idea for a recurring character in a novel. A doc that would walk with a cane, eat vicodin like tictacs and define the word SNARK. Witty and brilliant but mean as hell. He could diagnose diseases like no one's business. And he was also a superhero on the side, he could fly but only between the hours of 2 and 3 am, and he could light people on fire but that would require a lot of concentration so he wouldn't do it that much (maybe once per novel). His name would be Alan Home.
A good idea, right? The Shoredog thought so, and he encouraged me to pitch my idea all over town (we were in Wichita, Kansas at the time). A few weeks later, we parted ways, promising to write each other a handwritten postcard each week we were apart. We did, for awhile, but then the postcards became few and far between, and the Shorester became a distant memory. Sad, but gave me the opportunity to ask myself, "Wonder what that old bastard David Shore is up to these days." I always did want to say that.
Imagine my surprise when, a couple years later, a new show on Fox features, yes, the character that I created. And who is listed as the creator of the show, but the freakin Shoredog! I kid you not. And the idiot left off all the best parts (superhero, flying, fire), and then changed the guy's name to Greg House. And while Shorey McGee is now rich and powerful (I think he bought a third world nation or something), I am poor and homeless... still clinging to an imaginary Alan Home every night when I curl up in my cardboard box. THANKS A LOT DAVID SHORE.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I can haz yawnz?
Why do we yawn? Oh why oh why oh why, indeed. If you are telling me a story and I yawn in the middle of it, does it mean I am not interested? No. Well, I'm probably not interested, but the yawn does not reflect that. Recently I went to a lecture on yawning. The lecture-er-er, a man name Kirby McDirbyington*, was trying to tell me and the other four senior citizens present that we yawn in order to "cool off" our brains. He threw fire at me. I yawned while stopping, dropping and rolling. Then, he threw ice at me. I did not yawn... how could I? I was busy leaping behind desks and old people in order to avoid the glaciers of ice being thrown at me. This, he said, proves that overheating causes people to yawn. A valid argument? Of course it is!! I have jumped on the McDirbyton bandwangon in ways that you wouldn't believe. McDirbyington t-shirts, coffee mugs, a car with a special "yawning is for hotties" bumper sticker. Obama/McDirbyington 08. Need I say more?
*Nope
Post inspired by Three Repute
*Nope
Post inspired by Three Repute
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
UPCOMING 5 MIN RULE TOPICS
Yawning (tomorrow)
House (the day after that)
EDIT: some jerky jerk thought this means I'm going to be spending more than five minutes on each one... no no. I'm just planning to put aside five mins for each over the next couple of days. TOTES YES? totes.
House (the day after that)
EDIT: some jerky jerk thought this means I'm going to be spending more than five minutes on each one... no no. I'm just planning to put aside five mins for each over the next couple of days. TOTES YES? totes.
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