I've totes become convinced that the people that comment on BWE.tv are the best people on earth (also the bloggers there are pretty fancy, too). I would suggest that the people who comment on bwe.tv should head off to a private island and start a new country of awesomeness. I would be the secretary of defense, yet walk around yelling "I believe in peace, bitch," whenever anyone says anything to me, ever. So that's that.
Life becomes a joke within a joke within a joke when you're just hanging out in someone's kitchen and they have a vile of coke in their drawer next to the bread knife. Something is wrong with you if you stock coke like I like stock vitamin water. Trust.
What is it called when you wake up after being totally hammered, but you aren't hung over, you feel ok, but you aren't quite still drunk. You are in some kind of crazy notdrunkbutnotsober sort of a haze. Well, going forward it's going to be called Totes Syndrome. Because it totes is my life.
Ok, none of this has been the five minute bit of nonsense. The five minute bit of nonsense is on bloggers. Why do bloggers write what they do? Because everyone wants their opinion to be heard on whatever random topic they are passionate about. Like me and my Sousaphone blog. I am all about the sousaphone and I want the world to know everything that I know about the sousaphone, and hopefully, start some kind of sousaphone army in the future. Because, let's face it, the sousaphone army is the only army that is going to be able to beat the army of tubas. So this is the underlying reason for why the sousaphone blog exists. I am thinking about the future of the world, people. So, yes, clearly I have given it a lot of thought and have provided a valid argument that people blog in order to start armys. I think, too, that a smaller population of bloggers blog because they are just plain old douchebags. So... army-former or douchebag. Pick.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
the thing about jim and pam
I never understand how someone can really like someone for a long period of time and never tell them. Even if that person is engaged, taken or whatever. Everyone needs to know they have options. Like Jim and Pam for example. Jim was in love with Pam and waited like 800 years to tell her. He tells her, and she rejects him. Ok, but THEN Pam calls off her wedding. Jim doesn't even call her and be like, "yo, what's up, did you break off your engagement for me OR WHAT, yo?" Nope. He just moves off to Stamford and says nothing. Later, Pam is into Jim. Instead of saying something, like, I don't know, "I broke off my engagement for you," she says nothing. She just talks wildly about getting enough sleep and how sleep is good. Finally, she runs through some hot coals and sort of tells him. Now, I don't know how this all ends yet because the show is premiering tonight. What I do know is that if I am into someone, god damnit, I am going to tell them. And I hope people are smart enought to do the same in their lives. Geez, go after what you want, hm? I don't want to be at my wedding reception and find out that Paul Rudd had a thing for me all these years. It really wouldn't be good. In closing, people are stupid for keeping their feelings inside. Life is too short. And I will not write about relationships again. Thank you, good luck and god speed.
Meeting someone online
Look, at least when someone you have met in person before asks you out, you know they must find you somewhat attractive. After all, they've seen you. In person. And are now asking you out. The whole meeting someone online and then going on a date thing is just a hot mess because a photo tells nothing. A photo tells nothing of my fourth arm and 49th toe. A few emails tells nothing of how truly insane I am in person. And people never tell you what you really need to know in order to tell if you like them. Like, when you drove by those kids this morning, you thought briefly of stopping and offering them candy, didn't you? But you didn't do it, and that makes you a good person -- dateable. Normally when you meet someone from online, they are 200 years older and have eight hundred cats hanging from them. Because people lie, people. Another problem with the online thing is that something like 88 percent of people have no idea how to write a sentence. But they can probably speak. They might speak well. I'll never find out because they can't write a sentence. You know? In closing, I don't want to go out with someone who has never seen me before. Stalk me, then ask me out. That's all I am asking for. Thank you.
Friday, September 7, 2007
When you visit Yemen child-dreams become to a personal experience.
While I am unsure what my "child dreams," are or how something "becomes to a personal experience," I must say that the Web site I am visiting right now DOES make Yemen sound downright AWESOME!
And so, when a kindly person asks me to write of Tourism in Middle East Asia, I have to write of Yemen. I don't feel like I have a choice. We're talkin Yemen, people. Yemen is no joke. And so I bring you copy and paste with comment! YAY!
"Since ancient times Yemen has enchanted travelers, merchants, philosophers and kings with its secrets and its wealth.
This country in the south-west corner of the Arabian Peninsula fascinates every visitor* with the variety and the contrasts of the vegetation, landscape, the architecture and the people:
Gigantic** mountains with villages like fortresses on the top of the peaks
Picturesque urban settlements with houses of clay, bricks and stone
Deserts and fertile valleys, magnificent terraces and dreamlike*** beaches
Colorful markets with the sounds, fragrances, and faces from 1001 Nights****"
* I have not seen any official study that validates this as true. Throwing out sweeping generalizations without a source is a big no no, people of Yemen. I bet there was at least one person who left Yemen thinking to himself, "I have in no way been fascinated by a single thing I have seen here!"
** Gigantic? It means realy freakin big. Also, Gigantic is a documentary profiling the band They Might Be Giants. It was directed by A.J. Schnack and released in 2002. The DVD was released in 2003.
*** Here is this reference to my dreams again. Is Freddy Krueger inside my dreams, plotting to kill me and running this Web site? Pretty likely, I would say.
**** 1001 Nights. Arabian Nights. For most of us, known as Persian: هزار و یک شب Hezār-o Yek Šab, Arabic: كتاب ألف ليلة وليلة Kitāb 'Alf Layla wa-Layla, Turkish: Bin Bir Gece Masalları, Urdu:ایک اور ہزار راتین ولی کتب Hazar Aur Eik Ratein Wahli Kitab, Hebrew: אלף לילה ולילה), Bulgarian: Приказки от хиляда и една нощ (also know as "Sheheresada's stories" Приказки на Шехерезада
Or, for you people that aren't quite on my level, the thingamajig that brought us Aladdin. So, yes, Yemen is somehow responsible for "A Whole New World." But don't hold that against Yemen. Visit Yemen. Fulfill your child-dreams.
Inspired by
And so, when a kindly person asks me to write of Tourism in Middle East Asia, I have to write of Yemen. I don't feel like I have a choice. We're talkin Yemen, people. Yemen is no joke. And so I bring you copy and paste with comment! YAY!
"Since ancient times Yemen has enchanted travelers, merchants, philosophers and kings with its secrets and its wealth.
This country in the south-west corner of the Arabian Peninsula fascinates every visitor* with the variety and the contrasts of the vegetation, landscape, the architecture and the people:
Gigantic** mountains with villages like fortresses on the top of the peaks
Picturesque urban settlements with houses of clay, bricks and stone
Deserts and fertile valleys, magnificent terraces and dreamlike*** beaches
Colorful markets with the sounds, fragrances, and faces from 1001 Nights****"
* I have not seen any official study that validates this as true. Throwing out sweeping generalizations without a source is a big no no, people of Yemen. I bet there was at least one person who left Yemen thinking to himself, "I have in no way been fascinated by a single thing I have seen here!"
** Gigantic? It means realy freakin big. Also, Gigantic is a documentary profiling the band They Might Be Giants. It was directed by A.J. Schnack and released in 2002. The DVD was released in 2003.
*** Here is this reference to my dreams again. Is Freddy Krueger inside my dreams, plotting to kill me and running this Web site? Pretty likely, I would say.
**** 1001 Nights. Arabian Nights. For most of us, known as Persian: هزار و یک شب Hezār-o Yek Šab, Arabic: كتاب ألف ليلة وليلة Kitāb 'Alf Layla wa-Layla, Turkish: Bin Bir Gece Masalları, Urdu:ایک اور ہزار راتین ولی کتب Hazar Aur Eik Ratein Wahli Kitab, Hebrew: אלף לילה ולילה), Bulgarian: Приказки от хиляда и една нощ (also know as "Sheheresada's stories" Приказки на Шехерезада
Or, for you people that aren't quite on my level, the thingamajig that brought us Aladdin. So, yes, Yemen is somehow responsible for "A Whole New World." But don't hold that against Yemen. Visit Yemen. Fulfill your child-dreams.
Inspired by
Ziyi Zhang
Ok, so true story, I ran into this actress last week,
(or is it Zhang Ziyi? She told me to call her Zhang. Maybe that is because she wanted to be bff with me? Not sure.) Anyway I was sitting at the Starbucks over there on Main, and in she walks. I was sure it was her because I just gotten finished watching Rush Hour 2 for the hundredth time. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? Ha! Never gets old, man. You have to hear my Chris Tucker impression sometime. I’M LA PD?? Imagine I just said that in my Chris Tucker voice. Hilarious, right? Ah, so anyway, Zhang walks in and sits with her café con leche, and I let her be. Surprisingly, she approaches me and tells me (in Mandarin of course) what a fan she of me, because she is a fellow BWE commenter. Well, I don’t recall seeing any BWE comments in Mandarin, so I accuse her (in Mandarin of course) of being a big fat liar. She didn’t try to drop kick me or anything; she just explained patiently (in Mandarin) that she has a translator. Oh, we had a good laugh over that. Then we talked for awhile (in Mandarin) about the 19 movies that she has made, did funny Chris Tucker impressions (in Mandarin), and put on some Geisha makeup while drinking frappachinos . Though I would say it was a typical day at Starbucks, it was also a pretty darn good day overall.
Inspiration:
(or is it Zhang Ziyi? She told me to call her Zhang. Maybe that is because she wanted to be bff with me? Not sure.) Anyway I was sitting at the Starbucks over there on Main, and in she walks. I was sure it was her because I just gotten finished watching Rush Hour 2 for the hundredth time. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? Ha! Never gets old, man. You have to hear my Chris Tucker impression sometime. I’M LA PD?? Imagine I just said that in my Chris Tucker voice. Hilarious, right? Ah, so anyway, Zhang walks in and sits with her café con leche, and I let her be. Surprisingly, she approaches me and tells me (in Mandarin of course) what a fan she of me, because she is a fellow BWE commenter. Well, I don’t recall seeing any BWE comments in Mandarin, so I accuse her (in Mandarin of course) of being a big fat liar. She didn’t try to drop kick me or anything; she just explained patiently (in Mandarin) that she has a translator. Oh, we had a good laugh over that. Then we talked for awhile (in Mandarin) about the 19 movies that she has made, did funny Chris Tucker impressions (in Mandarin), and put on some Geisha makeup while drinking frappachinos . Though I would say it was a typical day at Starbucks, it was also a pretty darn good day overall.
Inspiration:
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