I jest, I kid. I am happy for Mr. Reynolds. My problem with these photos have nothing to do with Alanis or that they are supposed to be broken up or that his hat seems to match her shirt and that seems strange to me. It has to do with this illness that Reynolds has that is making me nervous for him and his future as a working actor in Hollywood.
It is called Fozziebearitis.
It is rare and I believe only 3,000 men in the WORLD suffer from it. So when you see it happen to a relatively talented individual such as Ryan Reynolds, it hits home. It really does.
Fozziebearitis is a disease that normally affects men in their mid to late 20's. Over time, the male begins to look more and more like bear, but not any old bear -- a muppet bear. Within ten years, the man is literally unrecognizable.
Beyond looking like a muppet bear, a man suffering from fozziebearitis will also begin to take on the personality of said muppet bear. The man will start to constantly tell semi-funny jokes (anyone who has seen the films "Blade:Trinity" or "Just Friends" knows that Ryan has already entered this phase of the disease).
When Ryan begins ending his jokes with "Wocka Wocka Wocka!" we will know, sadly, that the disease has fully taken over his body. The young, bucktoothed "Billy from Fifteen" will be gone forever.
Here's to you, Ryan Reynolds... I take comfort in the fact that you have a good woman in Alanis to help through the tough times that lie ahead.
Originally published August 1, 2006
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